This for you.
I know you will never see it, but I wanted to write how I felt, my thoughts.
Because I saw you hurt him, everyday, and I know he doesn't deserve it.
You might be my father, but I cut you out of my life because of how much your anger affected me. How much it hurt to see you do the same to him, my brother.
But he was more than my brother. I got stuck with him, grew to love him probably more than I should, in the way a mother would love a son. Maybe this was because so often you and her would ignore him, and someone had to care for him, feed him, play with him and watch him grow.
I hugged his little two-year-old body when he came to me shaking after you left him with bruises, gave him kisses to remind him he was loved before I left for school, tell him to look after himself, and that I'd be back.
I remember all the hurt you caused me, and how that made me turn away from you, to pack my bags and leave, to refuse to talk to you even though it's been two years.
Because you made my childhood so painful, so full of anger.
And I could see you doing that to him. He was four years old, running around in Bob the Builder pyjamas with too-big wellies, and already full of anger towards the world, towards his family for doing such horrid things to him.
And so I want, if you want to keep him in your life and not have him resent you all the time, everytime you speak, then I want you to give him the childhood he deserves.
Because no child ever deserves the childhood you gave me.
So love him, and let him know that every day.
Don't hurt him, because you've already caused him so much pain.
And don't be angry with him just because he's there for you to take it out on.
Because otherwise he will turn away.
Just like I did.
And now I'm free from your clutches. Forever.