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:iconstarvingslicingteen: More from StarvingSlicingTeen

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Submitted on
January 11, 2013
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42 (who?)
I want to be one of those girls
The ones with the three inch gap between their thighs and the stick thin legs.
One of those teenagers
Who you see in the street with their arms all sliced up.
One of those children
Who don't have to count everything.
One of those kids
Who have a boyfriend and are never alone.
One of those students
Who has loads of friends.
One of those people
Who can be just 'Fine'.

But I want to be Normal.

I want to be able to eat.
I want to be able to not cut.
I want to be able to just relax.
I want to be able to not be alone.
I want to be able to make friends.
I want to be just fine.
My feelings, I guess. Only right, the top half is a lot more dominant. Anyway, hope you like.
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Oseltamivir Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Can't relate to all of it, but I know how you feel to wish you could be able to live a normal, peaceful life. :/

Nicely written.
Copperfrost Feb 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Why can't I favorite this more than once because this completely applies to me :I
SunShiny-Sunflower Jan 27, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It speaks a lot about you. I'm not sure if you should be as exposing yourself, but after all we all need to yell to the world sometimes.
You're not alone, we from :iconneverbealone: are here for you.
I said it before, I'm telling you again, if you ever need something just note me. ^^
StarvingSlicingTeen Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry, I've been away for a while due to having too much school work and other things to deal with.

Thank you, and yeah, I see what you mean, but I wish more people //could// see how I really am. I have to hide from everyone in my life, and sometimes it can get a little exhausting.

Thanks again, it's good to know I'm not. I feel it so much, so it's nice to hear that people care, especially since all that goes round in my head is that people don't. I will do, thank you.x Just right now, school work is horrible and draining me. :hug:
SunShiny-Sunflower Feb 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ah, I'm at the same plate about schoolwork, it can get really exasperating. =(
But hold on! You'll get through it and whenever you need a support you can seek it from me! :hug:
Hidden by Owner
You need a hug :hug:
And an avatar - check out ~MagicallyCreative to see if there is anything you like or want.
StarvingSlicingTeen Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :tighthug: And will do, thank you very much~! xx
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of

Firstly, Your title speaks of a longing, yet in your first stanza you are longing for things that nobody should long for. I would consider changing the title.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

I would personally break this up into sections. For example:

"I want to be one of those girls
The ones with the three inch gap between their thighs and the stick thin legs.

But I want to be Normal.

I want to be able to eat."

- And then move on to the next section. Because as it stands you emphasise the 'bad' as in wanting to be anorexic and wanting to be a cutter in your first few lines and that wanting or longing almost spoils the ending where you say you don't actually want those things, but you want to rather be normal.

I like how you go from girls, to teenagers, to children, to kids, to students to people, making each one different yet the same. It adds to the piece that there is repetition, but it is not totally repeated.

This piece could do with a comma after the first line of the first section, as that really doesn't flow on to the rest unless you change 'the ones' to the word 'with'.

Personally I would mix this up, because at the moment it sounds as if you are promoting self-harm and eating disorders, which I don't think was (or I hope wasn't) your intention.

A really emotional piece. Slightly cliché, but nicely written. A bit too much 'promotion' for my liking, though that's a personal opinion. Good grammar and punctuation. Nice use of formatting to emphasise certain words. You end with a good message.

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