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I Need You.What if I need you to stop me?
What if I need you to stop me making myself sick for the fifth time today?
What if I need you to stop me running that razor across my wrist tonight?
But I've got to not need you anymore...
Where are you?
Where are you when I swallow all those pills?
Where are you when I run out of a classroom bursting into tears?
But you're not here for me anymore...
Who can I talk to?
Who can I talk to when I don't want to eat for four days?
Who can I talk to when I can't take things anymore?
But you don't really care anymore....
Who can give me that support?
Who's going to tell me it's okay to be scared?
Who's going to give me that hug when I'm shaking?
But not you, because my problems aren't your responsibility anymore...
But now I am alone.
And I can't feel this way.... Not anymore.
I want to be....I want to be one of those girls
The ones with the three inch gap between their thighs and the stick thin legs.
One of those teenagers
Who you see in the street with their arms all sliced up.
One of those children
Who don't have to count everything.
One of those kids
Who have a boyfriend and are never alone.
One of those students
Who has loads of friends.
One of those people
Who can be just 'Fine'.
But I want to be Normal.
I want to be able to eat.
I want to be able to not cut.
I want to be able to just relax.
I want to be able to not be alone.
I want to be able to make friends.
I want to be just fine.
I'll Never Forget...I'll never forget that Christmas when we woke to find nothing more than two pieces of coal on the floor of the living room, and how we sat crying for hours because we still believed in Santa.
What made it worse is that later that year, you told us Santa wasn't real, and that you were the ones who thought we didn't deserve presents.
Even though that year, you'd got a job and dad had got a pay-rise.
I'll never forget that last weekend of the summer holidays, before going into year 3 at my new school, when you decided to weigh us both after we got out the bath, how you called me fat.
And how that made me start skipping my meals, how the school used to phone you up, worried I was getting too small, and how I was being forced by them to eat my lunches.
Even though when you called me fat, I was only seven, and you called me fat because I weighed half a stone more than my brother, even though he was a year and a half younger than me.
I'll never forget that day when I first screamed at you 'I
WaitingShe turns her tear stained face away from me. Its them again I know. The pain claws at her heart every day and it breaks my heart to see her struggle with her demons every day. Her fiery temper and her struggle to be calm. I knew her well; so well that I could even decipher what she was thinking looking at the back of her head. It’s almost like her torrential emotions radiated into me. I could feel her on the brink of her sanity and her frustration and anger swirled around like some malignant whirlpool. She tries to be calm. She tries
to be so calm. She tries so hard to be calm but the world mocks her, threatens her, gives her false hope and wrenches it from beneath her feet. She tries to be cheerful but everyone pulls her down, down into their darkness. Somehow the very people who are supposed to be the closest to her ended up hurting her the most. I want to reach out to her and wrap her in my arms but now is not the time She won’t accep
It Is (Depression)It is a shroud of black velvet.
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.
It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.
It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.
It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
What is that feeling I feel inside myself?
That feeling that possesses me, that wishes me to die?
To waste away? To vanish?
What is that feeling that tells me I am worthless
That I am nothing but an extra? A pawn?
No. Not just hate. I feel…
And the worst of all…
I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like the rest.
What I didn’t count on was not being able to be like them.
What I didn’t count on was not being able to blend in with the crowd, to be normal.
What I didn’t count on was to lose myself under the burden of the pressure.
The wanting to be like them.
Where was that voice inside of me all my life?
That voice that tells me how to act
That voice that tells me how to speak.
That voice that tells me how to smile.
How to laugh. How to be…
Just the way they are.
I can’t smile.
I can’t laugh.
I can’t blend in.
Deep inside that darkened he
The first cut the deepestThe First Cut the Deepest
It was a warm crisp April afternoon. The sun show vibrantly in the periwinkle skies above. It was a perfect day without a doubt. While the skies were perfect the terra firm was being beaten up. It was the start of the motocross races. All the young riders were really carving up the landscape as they speedily raced the track.
The crowd was cheering loudly. Their voices were barely audible with the roaring engines. The bikes were certainly making a sufficient amount noise to cause one to go deaf. But everyone was in a good mood. The gang was cheering the loudest for Uta.
And their coming into the turn for the final lap. Oh the drama of today events is really heating up. Uta Kaiba is in the lead tailed close behind by Jared Weiss. It gonna be a close race. There neck and neck coming into the turn, the telecaster rattle off excitedly as Uta floored her bike. This was her element. She owned this track and she wasnt about to be defeated
The Connecticut Massacre.The Connecticut Massacre.
He was described as quiet, shy and socially awkward.
He was not the type to be loud, abrasive and forward.
He was highly intelligent and kept his thoughts to himself.
He didn't posses the tools to communicate with anyone else.
Whenever he spoke, his words felt forced and fake.
Who knew back then how many lives this man could take.
The realisation of his isolation was activated by the school premises.
He was never able to see his peers as friends but only as his nemeses.
But when he was home his alienation became none existent.
He was able to laugh and smile without any form of resistance.
The constant contrast in environments became too much for him to handle.
It was only an amount of time before he enacted some sort of immoral scandal.
After a confrontation at school he marched home to collect his mother's weapons.
His mother caught him in the act and tried to stop him as he reached for the second
Loaded rifle that was originally used as a source of family en
ScarsSlender are the scars that bind,
That haunt my body and fragile mind.
They keep me here in this odd place,
And remind me that I fell from grace.
No matter who I choose to be,
They will always be a part of me.
I would be quite lost.
I need them,
Never mind the cost.
If only I knew what they were for,
And didn't endlessly thirst for more.
Scars so slender,
And so pale,
Raised on skin,
You never fail
To excite my darker dreams.
All I need is found within,
And placed upon unoffending skin.
A part of me they shall always stay,
Until my flesh has gone away.
Scars so pretty,
Let me see
Who I was and shall be.
You are my unwanted fuck.You are my unwanted fuck.
You are my new cuts.
You are the pain that lives in me.
You stabbed me to d eath with the tears that break my heart.
You are my hardest battle,
my nervous tick,
my starved stomach.
You are the root of my problems.
You're the devil who cut up my angels.
Let me escape your heavan.
Your lips against my face almost feels like a fun.
It feels like a gun.
Inspiration for Happiness.Flowers have meaning.
Red roses for love,
White lilies for death.
Then there's the ones that bring joy to see.
Daffodils in Spring.
Foxgloves in Summer.
Even the falling leaves in Autumn are beautiful,
As they cover the world in their blanket of red and gold.
Flowers are shared, given to people who are loved.
When a new baby is born and life is celebrated,
Daisies as a surprise for a primary school friend,
A gift from a lover on a date,
A present for mummy on Mother's Day,
But used at funerals,too, given one last time.
No matter what happens in your life,
Flowers will follow you,
So enjoy the beauty as you realize how wonderful the world is.
SolaceShe never slept well in the dark,
not without the children of the sun and moon
to guide her weary lids home.
Guided by the aftermath, she was always two steps behind.
What did the world look like to the girl who had been through it all?
Braved the heaviest of storms,
yet skipping over cracks in the pavement.
They said her eyes were the wisps of clouds before the storm.
To him they were reflections of pages overlooked.
She said it was like she lived the life of someone she had never met.
Laid out to dry, yesterdays news.
He knew her as the girl who was built to never collapse.
He wished he was too.
He loved her more than words could say, and yet her pain was such,
that at times, he feared she wouldn’t make it.
But on nights like these, even when it threatened to consume her,
he became convinced that somehow she would.
Southern modernizationBlack comedy market economy, banana peel political humour, cards with the cartels, the solution free room service and credit the union. Bolivar twist, ding dong dollar under control, valley of the coin desert with no value. Gangsta paradise, the victims are the people. Big mac and cold conflict interference a part of it all. In little Mexico you’d need a high horse to jump the great border wall that boasts its peak.
Viracocha melts waters unlike those it rose from, making waves of out of metal oceans to overtake the current south, re-steel, re-take, tech-mechs the entire south into neo-Machu Picchu, cyberpunk music moulding, reshaping old society into an new age, iron dynasty, fresh coat for an old, ancient look. The coattails of Quetzalcoatl if he were a modern man pull together the merge of future and long passed past..techno temples and the like.
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